Choices

Everything we do in this life involves choice, from the moment we start choosing what food we want to eat or clothes we wear, to the very last moments when we decide what to include in our will and what services we'd like when we're taking our last breaths. We have a choice in nearly everything, to a certain extent: the lifestyles we choose, the group of friends with whom we spend time, the schools where we attend, the significant others with whom we have a future to share. I've always believed in the concept of fate because I think there are situations that are out of our control, whether it be losing a loved one or when a natural disaster occurs that forces us to leave our beloved homes. However, I do believe we have the ability to decide how to live our lives.

Let's take academics, for starters. Parents, teachers, and guidance counselors all lecture us on how to achieve success: become a doctor, a lawyer, engineer, etc. But what is success? How can others define success when they perceive success differently than you or me? Growing up, I was always compared to my cousins and sister in terms of grades, extracurriculars, the talents I was supposed to have but never pursued. I was told by my parents to become a doctor, as if that's the sure path to success and fortune. For many years, I had to mold my way of thinking and trust that this was the right way to go, that once I hit college, I had to finish my Pre-Medical courses and take the MCATs to score high enough to go to a decent medical school. Well, that didn't turn out the way they expected! I've ditched the medical school path and decided that I wanted to pursue a different road and study public health.

Now onto relationships... We encounter so many individuals in our lifetime and we have the choice to spend time with certain individuals and steer clear from others. Maybe we want to rebel from our families and hang out in the wrong crowd to make a statement; maybe we are future-driven and are focusing on who will be our friends 10, 20, 50 years down the road. We definitely have a say in the paths we want to take in terms of friendships or romance. Maybe it's just my personal beliefs, but I think while parents and caretakers have opinions we should respect, there's a difference between respecting and politely declining and blindly obeying. I understand parents want what's best for us and don't want us hanging out in the wrong crowd and ending up involved in gangs or start abusing alcohol and drugs.
However, in other relationship affairs, I think there's a line that parents shouldn't cross when it comes to significant others. I know the saying that once you marry someone, you're marrying into the family, but you're not waking up to your in-laws' faces every morning, you're not going to be speaking to them every day to tell them how work was and something funny that happened to you, you're not going to be the ones running to your in-laws' side the moment they catch a cold to make them homemade chicken noodle soup, etc. I respect parents and potential in-laws to a certain extent--I believe their opinions are important but they shouldn't dictate how I live my life or who I should end up with. I strongly believe in working hard and proving your worth, even though you shouldn't need to prove your value to anyone but yourself. If you have a good head on your shoulders and you'll provide for and love your significant other, it should be sufficient.

I find that in this day and age, in our society, so many stimuli around us can influence the way we think we should behave or how we should act around others. Whether it be fads or keeping track of what is the "norm," we are like sponges in this world. We see on television the latest fashion trends, television shows that depict realistic situations of love affairs, drama, crime and fighting; I see too often people getting influenced by what's around them and feeling like they have to be someone else just to fit in, or feeling like they have to please some higher figure because they're the ones that raised them. Maybe I have these beliefs because of what I experienced in the past years of my life, and maybe you don't agree with me. That's okay, we can agree to disagree. I just want to share my views and bring to light another set of beliefs that may not have come to mind until now to my readers. You hold the power to choose your paths in life and make your own decisions because in the end, it's your life to live; don't conform to what you think other people want for you and end up regretting it years down the road.

Superficiality

We live in a world that "requires" a certain beauty standard we have to follow, otherwise we won't feel beautiful. At least, that's how I feel living in New York City all my life. Wherever you turn, there are billboards and ads, magazines and television commercials with stick-thin women and chiseled, muscular men advertising for their respective perfume or clothing companies. Sometimes I wonder how it got this way; the trends for fashion and beauty definitely was not the same fifty years ago.

http://wa1.cdn.morefm.co.nz/morefm/AM/2013/10/31/9530/perception-of-beauty.jpg?quality=70

Our society in NYC definitely puts an unnecessary pressure on our population; it's not just adolescents who get affected, but even small children see this image that they feel they have to live up to. Who dictated the rule that females needed to be under a certain weight to feel beautiful? Who announced the rule that girls must wear pink and boys must wear blue? I've seen my fair share of reality TV shows and "beauty" transformations in the tabloids and news outlets and always wondered how our society became fixed on this definition of beauty.
In Spring 2014 I was enrolled in an Intercultural Communications class and one of the groups in my class presented different versions of beauty. I saw that different societies had different ideas of what it meant to be beautiful: while the US has standards of thin women and muscular men, communities in Africa for example like the curvy women because it showed a sign of wealth and happiness. In many parts of Asia, people wear what looks like ski masks to the beach to maintain their porcelain complexion, while in the US, it's considered "beautiful" to have bronzed, tan skin.

Beach attire in China: http://www.chicagonow.com/cinnamon-twists/files/2012/08/jp-masks1-popup-624x415.jpg

Tanning in the US: http://www.theamericanmag.com/uploaded_images/article_3912_GIV9u4yOEt.jpg

Everyone has different perceptions of beauty, whether it's pale or tan skin, using heavy makeup or none at all, plump or skinny figures, to wearing headwear and conservative clothes. Maybe because I speak with a psychology background, I believe we should be more accepting to all cultures and all sizes and appearances; it makes for a more tolerable community and also makes us more open-minded to the things we can't necessarily relate to. It improves relations among each other and sets a better example for our younger generations to follow.

Never Permanently Gone

It's been more than five years now since You went away, but the picture I have sitting on my desk of You continue to remind me of Your presence in my life every day. Many religions I learn about in school talk about death and people going to heaven, or being reincarnated, and honestly, I'm still not sure what's the truth: I've always been a questioner of religion because if there was a higher being, I don't understand why there is a need to take away the good people in life. If there was a choice, why couldn't the evil-doers in our community be the ones taken away, and not the ones who have done nothing to harm others and instead have been role models and loving individuals in their family and friend circle?

The pain of losing someone so important to you rarely goes away, although it may get a little easier as the years pass. I find that as the pain starts to subside, so do the memories; unfortunately with time comes the passing of the vivid recollections of the times you spent together and the intimate moments and laughs you once shared. I find it more and more difficult to conjure up the soothing advice You would provide me, Your kind voice, and Your giving nature. Sometimes I resent myself for letting those memories slip away because I swore I would never forget You. And sometimes I cut myself some slack because I know that You are always looking out for me, wherever you are, and You know that I carry You in my heart wherever I go to keep me safe.

It's the times when I get visits from You in my dreams that bring me so much joy, knowing that if I can't see you physically on earth, You are still there to converse with me in my dreams. Honestly, I do wonder whether people who have passed communicate through the dream world, and I'd like to believe they do. It gives people the chance to say things they didn't get to say to their loved ones before they left. It gives me the opportunity to get advice from You again and just to hear Your voice and be near You again. There's times when I feel overwhelmed and need You to be there for me, and while I know I can't just call out to You and You come running anymore, I know You're still there supporting me and somehow helping me make my decisions with me.

I know that death is a scary, taboo topic that no one likes to talk about, but it's a way of life, unfortunately. Some people are taken away from us way too soon, and You are one of those people. I miss You every day, but I know that You are never permanently gone. For everyone who has lost someone near and dear to them, they are never permanently gone from your life; I truly believe that they become the angel that looks after you when you least expect it, and they're following you wherever you go. I believe they are there to break the fall when you make mistakes, and there to lift you higher when you achieve great things. Whether it's fact that they are still around us, we should be striving to aim higher and dedicate our hard work in memory of them and make them proud. I hope that I am doing You proud and will accomplish great things for you to smile fondly at me from wherever you are.

Dreamcatchers

Dreamcatcher

Dreamcatchers: when I was a little girl, I was always told that dreamcatchers were meant to trap the nightmares and bad dreams that would wake me up in the middle of the night. I thought to myself, why does something so beautiful have the job of catching the dreams that would haunt me at night? I learned years later that everything has different perspectives, just like the way we view dreamcatchers. Why is it named "dream-catcher" if it doesn't help us catch the dreams we wish to pursue?

IGNORANCE: People Only See What They Want to See

We live in a world where social media rules over our daily routine. From the moment we wake up to the moment we lay our heads on our pillows at night, we are constantly checking Facebook and other social media platforms to see what our friends are up to. We live in an isolated bubble where only the things we can see exist in our lives. What about what happens in our community? What about the events that happen in other countries around the world?

I admit, I'm not a huge fan of reading the newspaper or watching the nightly news. I think social media platforms have served a great purpose in not only allowing us to communicate with our loved ones behind an electronic screen, but they also provide us with the news conveniently as we scroll down our news feeds. I learned about the 300 or so Nigerian girls who were abducted last month and this month and am in awe of the movement it started, from First Lady Michelle Obama to dozens of celebrities that we all recognize and love.

As much as we are consumed in our own little worlds and follow the latest fashion trends or celebrity news, we need to open our eyes and pay attention to what's happening around us, too. Our lives and the people in it are important, but don't shut out the outside world and be ignorant of the real world issues at hand. It's so sad to see some people completely block out the fact that this horrid, ongoing issue is happening and not want to hear or talk about it. We should all be taking a stand, coming together, and supporting these communities and countries because we are not immune or exempt from this. Human trafficking is just one form of modern-day slavery; human trafficking exists in the United States. #BringBackOurGirls is the latest movement that is inciting people to take pictures with this hashtag to raise awareness and push governments to act fast before these poor girls are subjected to unconsented marriages before they are ready. Please join me in this movement: you can take a picture of yourself holding up a sign with either #BringBackOurGirls or #RealMenDon'tBuyGirls and upload it onto your social media accounts and type out these hashtags as well!

The Letters We Wear on Our Chests

I proudly represent Kappa Phi Lambda Sorority, Inc. Theta Chapter at Baruch College. If it weren't for my experience in Greek life, I don't think my college experience would have been very fulfilling attending a commuter school. People have this preconceived notion that Greek life solely consists of partying, drinking, hooking up, doing drugs, and "YOLO-ing" throughout one's college career; I used to be one of these people but I decided to just take a leap of faith and give it a shot by going out to rush. It was a lot different than what I expected from how media portrayed Greek life. For me, I felt welcome and valued as a potential new member of Kappas and I felt at home, and I don't regret choosing Kappas over other orgs three years later.

I think my biggest fear when it came to rushing was the potential threat that becoming Greek would change my values or who I was as a unique individual. I was afraid to be engulfed in this new exclusive community that I would leave my old friends behind. Thankfully, with my stubborn personality, I reminded myself I wasn't that type of person and I'm proud to be the same person and hold the same values I did when I first entered college, with the exception of me becoming more outspoken and speaking my mind, eventually landing myself on the Executive Board of both Kappas as well as another club on campus.

Now that it's crossing season and all these Facebook statuses are flooding my newsfeed, it makes me think about Greek life as a whole. This exclusivity right that we so proudly share as fellow Greeks who had to earn our letters through our respective processes allows us to bond in ways people in any other club at school can't fathom. Although we may have crossed in different orgs, this fact doesn't make any one of us more superior than the next Greek. I think many of us forget the fact that we were once not Greek and we were equals, and now that we are, we are still equals. I really despise the way some orgs encourage this hate rivalry between sister or brother orgs. Why encourage this kind of disunity by teaching your younger generations to hate another org, or teach them to dirty rush just to recruit people for your own org?

As Program Educator for Fall 2013, I hoped to instill the values in my kids that just because you're in another org than your friend, it's okay. There's no need for this trivial, unnecessary hostility between two orgs. I think it's vital to instill these kinds of values between individuals because this is just good practice to be accepting of people who choose to be a part of something they feel close to or value, instead of criticizing their decisions and ostracizing them from your life. Greek life is a subculture within our society that already experiences careful scrutiny and Greek unity is exactly what we need to stick together, not only during tragedies where Greeks are portrayed in media as the bad guys. 

I'm hoping that with future generations, we can continue to teach everyone to get along with each other and be accepting of people's choices to join whatever org they feel comfortable with. Don't let the letters we wear on our chests define who we are entirely; stay true to yourself and to your friends you had before you crossed into Greek life. Don't forget the values you held before you went Greek and don't let this new title change how you perceive people who aren't Greek. 

Introduction

I often have many thoughts at once, many of which come right before bed, or right after a challenging event; I usually don't set them to paper quickly enough. I'm hoping this blog will allow me to harness some of my thoughts instead of letting them go to waste and not sharing them with my readers. These posts will almost always be random and unrelated to each other but I hope you still can enjoy :).