It's been more than five years now since You went away, but the picture I have sitting on my desk of You continue to remind me of Your presence in my life every day. Many religions I learn about in school talk about death and people going to heaven, or being reincarnated, and honestly, I'm still not sure what's the truth: I've always been a questioner of religion because if there was a higher being, I don't understand why there is a need to take away the good people in life. If there was a choice, why couldn't the evil-doers in our community be the ones taken away, and not the ones who have done nothing to harm others and instead have been role models and loving individuals in their family and friend circle?
The pain of losing someone so important to you rarely goes away, although it may get a little easier as the years pass. I find that as the pain starts to subside, so do the memories; unfortunately with time comes the passing of the vivid recollections of the times you spent together and the intimate moments and laughs you once shared. I find it more and more difficult to conjure up the soothing advice You would provide me, Your kind voice, and Your giving nature. Sometimes I resent myself for letting those memories slip away because I swore I would never forget You. And sometimes I cut myself some slack because I know that You are always looking out for me, wherever you are, and You know that I carry You in my heart wherever I go to keep me safe.
It's the times when I get visits from You in my dreams that bring me so much joy, knowing that if I can't see you physically on earth, You are still there to converse with me in my dreams. Honestly, I do wonder whether people who have passed communicate through the dream world, and I'd like to believe they do. It gives people the chance to say things they didn't get to say to their loved ones before they left. It gives me the opportunity to get advice from You again and just to hear Your voice and be near You again. There's times when I feel overwhelmed and need You to be there for me, and while I know I can't just call out to You and You come running anymore, I know You're still there supporting me and somehow helping me make my decisions with me.
I know that death is a scary, taboo topic that no one likes to talk about, but it's a way of life, unfortunately. Some people are taken away from us way too soon, and You are one of those people. I miss You every day, but I know that You are never permanently gone. For everyone who has lost someone near and dear to them, they are never permanently gone from your life; I truly believe that they become the angel that looks after you when you least expect it, and they're following you wherever you go. I believe they are there to break the fall when you make mistakes, and there to lift you higher when you achieve great things. Whether it's fact that they are still around us, we should be striving to aim higher and dedicate our hard work in memory of them and make them proud. I hope that I am doing You proud and will accomplish great things for you to smile fondly at me from wherever you are.
